Why I will avoid IIFA Awards 2007 at any cost - Part 1 . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

Well, you may ask me why I am shouting regarding the IIFA when it's been quite a while when silly, stupid, biased, idiotic, dumb (not in that order) award functions came and went. IIFA or Indian International Film Academy Awards is an award function held every year outside India. The Bollywood awards functions are sold to the Bollywood mafias, you know and the national awards (no proper noun, I mean capitalization for safety) are sold to 'art-house' directors. Well, don't wanna spark a controversy stating all the names.

The IIFA 2007 (at Yorkshire) is probably a couple of weeks away. But the nomination has already been announced. No, not the awards, the nominations have struck me with awe. अगर नॉमिनेशन ऐसा है तो ना जाने अवार्ड किसको मिलेगी. (If this is the nomination, I don't know to whom will the award go). After looking through the list of nomination, I wager you will be as exasperated as me. I can say only on thing, "The more you bid, the more you get."

We will present each category and dissect 'em. The winner who is chosen by me has been highlighted in bold.

(THE FOLLOWING OPINIONS ARE SOLELY PERSONAL OPINION AND THEY ARE NOT INTENDED TO HURT/ OFFEND ANYONE)

****SPOILERS MAY BE AHEAD****

Best Story
Aditya Chopra – Dhoom 2
Rakesh Roshan – Krrish
Rajkumar Hirani – Lage Raho Munnabhai
Vishal Bharadwaj – Omkara
Kamlesh Pandey – Rang De Basanti

Now the story is considered the fundamental need for a film.

Dhoom:2 - So, what was the story in Dhoom 2? I am still searching. Did they think of a story even before the shooting? The climax is an exact copy of the same writer's Bunty aur Babli.

Krrish: Krisssh, Krrissh, Krrish or Crass? Now which other felicitous word should I use. The story offers nothing new, combining Hollywood superhero cliches with melodramatic Bollywood love story. Senseless, mindless, crappy, silly, outdated, propagating-superstition...............uncountable.

LRMB- Now this is the complete winner in this category. He has penned one of the greatest films ever made (I think so). No other story in recent times has been so thoughtful, masterly-created, engaging and original.

Omkara - Who is this silly, publicity-hungry, running-after-big-names-to-make-a-name man, called ....hmm.....can't remember! Remembered! This man is called William Shakespeare. Have you heard about him before? I haven't. He claims that he has written a tragedy called OTHELLO which Omkara borrows from.

RDB - This nomination too is definitely deserved.

Who other deserved to be there:
MAHESH BHATT - Gangster KABIR KHAN - Kabul Express JAIDEEP SAHNI - Khosla Ka Ghosla MAHESH BHATT - Woh Lamhe (though it's inspired by real-life event) NAGESH KUKUNOOR & T. A. RAZAK - Dor

Best Screenplay
Vijay Krishna Acharya – Dhoom 2
Anurag Basu – Gangster
Rajkumar Hirani, Abhijat Joshi, Vidhu Vinod Chopra – Lage Raho Munnabhai
Vishal Bharadwaj, Robin Bhatt, Abhishek Chaubey – Omkara
Rensil D’Silva & Rakeysh Omprakash Mehra – Rang De Basanti

Well, screenplay is considered the backbone of a film. Do the IIFA jury try to find the backbone or the back-bucks?

Dhoom 2: Hmmmm.... Why not include FAMILY, PYARE MOHAN, DARNA ZAROORI HAI, 36 CJINA TOWN, HUMKO DEEWANA KAR GAYE, PHIR HERA PHERI, KRRISH, UMRAO JAAN, SHIVA, CHUP CHUP KE, VIVAH et al replacing all other films? They easily rank amongst "best scream-play". Dhoom 2 is one of the silliest, loopiest, most logic-less, most mindless screenplay ever written. If "this" tops the best screenplay section. I am seriously worried about the future of screen-writing. I won't be surprised if it wins.

Gangster: This one is a clear winner in this category. It is intelligent, gritty and doesn't take you for granted. It's very dramatised, multi-layered and full of emotion. You can easily relate to the characters. The characters are well-defined. I doesn't let you predict where it's headed with brilliant twists in the screenplay. The best romantic-crime genre from India.

LRMB - Another flawless screenplay of last year. Like Gangster, it too is intelligent, soul-stirring. It's combined humour with heart effortlessly. It's not that kind that tells you to leave your brains at home. It successfully tells many things at a time.

Omkara - Another well-deserved nomination. Rather than just copy-pasting Bard's tale of love, hate, jealousy on the papers, the writers effectively change the characters, setting without changing anything. Re-writing Shakespeare is an arduous task. It's loyal yet so much close to the Indian soil.

RDB - It gradually grows on you. Although it's not exactly a perfect screenplay, I won't be disappointed if it wins. The screenplay is tour de force.

Who other deserved to be there: NAGESH KUKUNOOR - Dor JAIDEEP SAHNI - Khosla Ka Ghosla RAJAT ARORAA - Taxi No. 9211 HOMI ADAJANIA - Being Cyrus KABIR KHAN - Kabul Express

Best Dialogue
Girish Dhamija – Gangster
Sanjay Masoom – Krrish
Rajkumar Hirani, Abhijat Joshi – Lage Raho Munnabhai
Vishal Bharadwaj – Omkara
Prasoon Joshi & Rensil Dsilva – Rang De Basanti

Gangster - Good dialogue. It definitely hits you.

Krrish - Why is that 'crrass' again here. Is there any single dialogue you can memorize from that idiotic film? Is it necessary to include a Blockbuster / Big Banner/ Hhhrrrithiiiikh Rooooosshan film in every category?

LRMB - It's also another example of a perfect dialogue. It's witty, humorous, Bambaiya yet meaningful.

Omkara - Definitely deserves or does it? It retains all the meaning of the original play without just translating them. It's raw and very real. One wishes that the hundreds of expletives weren't there. Then again, it's set in Western UP. Can you bet that they don't use such words?

RDB - Definitely the winner. The words are poetic, soul-stirring yet youthful, energetic. Strong enough to get into your mind.

Who also deserved:
KUNAL KOHLI - Fanaa (Though one may argue that the dialogues and shayaris are cliched and senseless, I liked it. It definitely deserved to replace Krrish) KABIR KHAN - Kabul Express (Very humorous and witty, especially that of Arshad's) FARHAN AKHTAR - Don (It's one simple reason. The lines are directly from the masterful script by Salim - Javed) JAIDEEP SAHNI - Khosla Ka Ghosla

Don't miss: Part 2 - Music Awards Part 3 - Supporting roles Part 4 - Main awards


(NOTE: IF YOU DON'T AGREE WITH THE AUTHOR PLEASE TELL WHAT IT SHOULD HAVE BEEN. PLEASE REFRAIN FROM ATTACKING THE AUTHOR AND DO NOT USE ANY EXPLETIVE)